Looking Forward to Looking Back

WP_20150630_23_20_32_ProToday I just want to take a moment and talk. I want to mention that I removed a phrase from my very first post ever in which I said that my parents would probably be ashamed if they ever saw this blog. I said it jokingly, but decided to remove that statement because I have come to find that through every situation, my parents are more than supportive of me and my endeavors, even if half the time I don’t make a whole lot of sense. Parents are like the wind in our sails, pushing us up and on to reach the far off and often obscure stars we seek (whether they mean to or not.) My parents wouldn’t be disappointed. They’d be supportive, ’cause that’s how family rolls. (That said, they still don’t get to read my blog.) 😉

So, anyway, I’ve been looking back recently, and in doing that, I can honestly say it feels like it’s been forever since I started “blogging”. I was feeling pretty insecure back then…a whole seven months ago…I was going back to a big, scary place to which I’d once sworn I’d never return: college. But since then I’ve learned a lot of new things about people, myself, and life. There are scarier things than college. I’ve discovered that the harder things get and the more fire you take, the more you grow as a person. And that’s a good thing, right? It doesn’t always feel like a good thing. In fact, it usually feels like the most awful, catastrophic, terrifying thing in the history of ever… but then you survive, and you turn around, look back, and realize “Hey, I made it!”

I’m mostly writing this right now as  a reminder to myself that, eventually, everything is going to be OK. Maybe not here, maybe not now, and maybe not the type of OK I was aiming for. But someday, I’ll look back from where I stand and view the circumstances that led me there and be able to see beyond the little things that, in their moments, I thought were going to bring about the complete and utter demise of the entire universe. Weirdly enough, I look forward to looking back. Maybe then I’ll be able to see more clearly than I do now. I hold out hope. I hope you can, too!







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